I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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