It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
