Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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