I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
