My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Drake has all the answers
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
