it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
