The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
