Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
