Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
