but the lizard people decide everything anyway
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
