Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
