Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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