I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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