kristin has been a bad kristin
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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