his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
