he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
