Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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