There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
