True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
