ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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