I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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