I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
