I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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