have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize