Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
