So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
