How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
