how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
