Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
