he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Can I color on your dick again?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Randomize
