Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
