In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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