Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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