I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
