hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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