considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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