I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
