That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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