I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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