How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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