K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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