what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
This gyro tastes like lonliness
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
