I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
