Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Randomize
