Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
