Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
