How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize