Screwed.edu
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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