Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
