U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
