Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
