Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
