Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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