The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
