I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Randomize
