I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
