Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
