Your mouth is God's brothel.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
