Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
