i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
