I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
