Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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