after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
