It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
