Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
