I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
