So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
