Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
