just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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