im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
