So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
