Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(706): View more from Georgia

i would punch a child for taco bell

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(248): View more from Michigan

I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.

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(310): View more from California

so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.

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(662): View more from Mississippi

Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.

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(219): View more from Indiana

I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.

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(859): View more from Kentucky

He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus

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