Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Drake has all the answers
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
