I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
