Plan B is the new Plan A
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
