I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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