I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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