everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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