I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
