just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
My liver is preforming stress tests.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
