mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
