You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm really busy with my period
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